Happy Holiday by Nate Geballe

Today is Christmas. I'm glad to be home. Feels nice to be in my room. Feels nice to be able to be around my family. I haven't said that in a really long time. I have a lot of other emotions going on right now that I feel like will ruin this moment. I should really shut up before I start to get angry. I will be coming back to Los Angeles on Saturday. See you soon. 

Today I FEEL angry. 

Headed Home by Nate Geballe

Today I am headed to Northern California for the holiday. I'm excited but at the same time worried about so many things. Like food. Well mainly just food. I'm preparing for the road and have some stuff for dinner but it doesn't take the worry away. 

Grandpa got sick about two weeks ago. He got better and then he had a really bad night and went to the hospital. He has since come home but it scared the living daylights out of me. I need to take some pictures of him when I get home. It's so important and I realize that more than ever now. I love him and grandma so so much. 

Today I FEEL anxious. 

Day 18 Post Op by Nate Geballe

It's ALMOST CHRISTMAS! I'm going home for the holiday on Tuesday. I'm not looking forward to the drive but am excited to see my family. I haven't been able to exercise much because my back went out over the weekend. Today I will try to walk around the block and see how far I get. 

I shot a bit last night. It went in a really interesting direction. I feel like everything that I've done lately has motion included. Maybe it's because I feel like I'm in some sort of whirlwind. None of it feels real and I constantly forget that surgery actually happened. Maybe that will change over time. 

Today I FEEL anxious. 

Day 16 Post Op by Nate Geballe

I'm pretty damn tired today. Yesterday was long. This week has been long. Everything has been long. All I want to do is take a nap. 

I feel like I've somewhat fallen behind on my creating. I haven't done a video diary in awhile which I swore to myself I'd do today. It just makes me really uncomfortable to do them in front of others and I've been using that as my excuse. My back has really been hurting too, so maybe I do have an excuse after all. 

I started a new phase of the meal plan yesterday. I wasn't eating hardly at all and felt so damn weak that I started it one day early. Everything on the week 2 diet made me nauseous to even think about. Except the soup. I did like the soup. Today I had an egg and some avocado for breakfast. Even though it was mashed to bits, it tasted so damn right. So damn right. 

Today I FEEL stronger. 

Day 13 Post Op by Nate Geballe

I'm having a hard time with the diet right now. Not to say I'm not doing it. For some weird reason, my brain thinks it's missing out on something. I'm missing out on all the damn food, when in reality I will eventually be able to eat again. Not like I used to again. But have food. What's so bad about waiting for 6 weeks. Two of the phases down almost. I switch over again on Wednesday. YES MA'AM. MASHED FOOD! So exciting. 

I have this paranoid fear right now. I'm afraid this is all the weight I'm going to lose. Surgeons will be like how did this happen? You had surgery right? I guess I'm just scared and don't want to hype too many expectations. 

Today I FEEL lazy.