Day 5 Post Op by Nate Geballe

Yesterday was really difficult. I never imagined I would feel that shitty. Every time I thought about a protein shake I wanted to throw up. I managed to get two down which is 60 grams of protein. That is 15 grams less than the minimum I need daily. I'm so scared of malnutrition. I DON'T want to lose my hair!

I didn't shoot yesterday. I didn't have the strength to set it all up. I was too tired. I take walks during the day but they only last about five minutes before I think I'm getting too tired. I will shoot today. I have help today. Today I will be ok. 

Today I FEEL better than yesterday. Thank gawd. 

Day 6 by Nate Geballe

I can't believe the week is almost over. At the same time, I can't believe the week isn't over yet. I just want it to be January already. Bypass everything that I don't want to face. I feel very avoidant at the moment. I don't feel weak so I cannot use that as an excuse for not doing my work. Well, I could but I don't think that would be very productive. 

Same story every morning. I wake up ready to eat breakfast and then come to the sad realization that I have a protein shake to force down. No food till dinner time. I thought about stopping at fast food on the way home. That's seriously not an option though. 

I plan on shooting today. Documenting a little bit of me documenting myself with still images. I should also do another diary today. It's important to stay on it. I wonder what they will say when I show up to surgery with a tripod and my camera. Can't forget the remote! It will be more helpful than ever...

Today, I FEEL impatient. 

Day 5 by Nate Geballe

I know I said this yesterday, but I seriously wake up every morning thinking everything is going to go back to normal again. That I'll be able to eat again. I find myself in periods throughout the day thinking that I can eat but then a huge stop sign presents itself. I curse the universe when this happens. 

Thanksgiving is right around the corner. I really don't know how I'm going to be able to deal. I know it's just food, but damn. I'm really hungry. I keep thinking about that scene in 101 Dalmatians. The little pup exclaims while turning his head around, "I'm hungry Mother, I really am." Now I know I'm not a cute, hungry little puppy but it seems fitting at this time. 

On another note, Although I am terrified, I am actually really excited for the coming months. I just want them to be here already. I feel like this is going to be a big year in more ways than I can imagine right now. More will come to light as time progresses. 

To end this today, I FEEL ok.