shooting

IDK by Nate Geballe

I feel like I'm not doing enough. I also feel really frustrated with shooting. Yeah, I guess it all goes back to the thought that I'm just not doing enough. It's like I have cat hair all over me and don't know how to get it off. It's always there. Well, I guess I usually always am covered in cat hair. Oh well. 

I feel this unspoken pressure all around me. I have a lot of anxiety regarding that. It really doesn't feel good to feel like I'm drowning. Drowning is a big fear of mine. It just seems so shitty to drown. It sounds extremely painful. I guess I just have a lot of fears at the moment. 

Today I FEEL anxious. 

Day 7 Post Op by Nate Geballe

Today has been a week since surgery. I'm feeling better and stronger each day. Today is the first day that I've walked at a normal speed since pre-op. I'm having pretty vivid nightmares. Or at least they are nightmares to me. Last night I dreamt that I had forgotten that I had surgery and was half way through a Jack in the Box burger before remembering again. I was surprised to wake up not in pain. 

I have to do some more shooting today. I feel like when I'm not shooting everyday, I'm behind. I must do some more video diaries as well. I feel like I'm also lacking in that department. Chip chop, hurry up!

Today I FEEL excited to be walking better. 

Day 6 Post Op by Nate Geballe

I had a pretty good day today. Other than my butt constantly hurting from not being able to lay on my side or stomach, I would count it as one of the best days so far. It's encouraging that things won't be always as difficult as they have been. 

I shot some photos today. I felt pretty uninspired at first, but it subsided as I worked more on getting a shot. I also edited and finished my next docu-series video. I'm just relieved that it's not a down-stride from my last video. It also feels great to have it done. Just, yay. Thank gawd. 

Today I FEEL grateful. 

Day 5 Post Op by Nate Geballe

Yesterday was really difficult. I never imagined I would feel that shitty. Every time I thought about a protein shake I wanted to throw up. I managed to get two down which is 60 grams of protein. That is 15 grams less than the minimum I need daily. I'm so scared of malnutrition. I DON'T want to lose my hair!

I didn't shoot yesterday. I didn't have the strength to set it all up. I was too tired. I take walks during the day but they only last about five minutes before I think I'm getting too tired. I will shoot today. I have help today. Today I will be ok. 

Today I FEEL better than yesterday. Thank gawd.