portraits

The Day Of by Nate Geballe

I'm a little more nervous than I was earlier. I have butterflies in my stomach. That anticipatory feeling is rushing through my bloodstream. Everything will be ok. Everything will be ok. Or atleast I think everything will be ok. I'm hungry right now but not starved. I'm thirsty right now but not parched. I just feel ok. I guess I am ok. See you on the other side. 

Today I FEEL ok. 

Day 6 by Nate Geballe

I can't believe the week is almost over. At the same time, I can't believe the week isn't over yet. I just want it to be January already. Bypass everything that I don't want to face. I feel very avoidant at the moment. I don't feel weak so I cannot use that as an excuse for not doing my work. Well, I could but I don't think that would be very productive. 

Same story every morning. I wake up ready to eat breakfast and then come to the sad realization that I have a protein shake to force down. No food till dinner time. I thought about stopping at fast food on the way home. That's seriously not an option though. 

I plan on shooting today. Documenting a little bit of me documenting myself with still images. I should also do another diary today. It's important to stay on it. I wonder what they will say when I show up to surgery with a tripod and my camera. Can't forget the remote! It will be more helpful than ever...

Today, I FEEL impatient. 

Day 4 by Nate Geballe

Today is day 4 of the liquid pre-op diet. It's getting easier but I think about food all the time. It's consistently on my mind. "Are they going to brunch? They must be going to brunch in a group like that!" 

I keep thinking that I'm going to wake up and be able to eat food again. Or I'll day dream and think that it's finally time to eat again. In reality, I won't be able to really eat again for another couple of months. Might as well get used to it, eh?

Things are starting to get down to the wire. I'm still shooting regularly. I know that I can NEVER stop producing work. That would be the end of me if I did. I finally compiled a short docu-movie together of what I've been recording. It makes me cry almost every time I watch it. It's so hard to hear myself say those things. They become more real instead of just random thoughts floating around in my head. This is all I have for now. 

Lastly, I FEEL down.