I have a cold. It started a few days ago. I haven't been sick in a long time so the feeling is weird. I'm nervous about the future. Some many things feel up in the air right now. Los Angeles feels temporary. I think that my life will be vastly different again a couple years from now. I'm not sure how I feel about that yet. Nothing I can really do to change it from happening. I guess that I need to just continue to put one foot in front of the other. More will be revealed.
I got back to Los Angeles yesterday. The drive wasn't that bad. It actually went by really quickly. But I made a very poor decision before I left home. I didn't pack anything food wise for the road. I stopped at a gas station about 1.5 hours from L.A. and grabbed a banana. It was only thing that I found that I can really eat at this stage. IT TASTED SO GOOD! Probably the best banana that I've had in forever. I hope to not make that mistake again. It's not pleasant to drive that long running on empty.
I shot once while I was at home. Down at the barn. I tried to get in the creek but I didn't want to get scratched up and possibly poison oak. I also didn't want to not be able to get back up and not have help. Maybe I will do it when I'm town next for Grandpa's birthday. The photos came out pretty interesting. It surprises me when I get a good photo out of something that I thought was a waste of time.
I bought underwater housing too. Equinox, for my Mark III. Maybe that will be the designated underwater cam. I want to shoot in the pool the next time I head up North. It will be freezing but I seem to get pretty cool images while in the water. I can always call ahead of time and ask that they turn on the pool.
I'm getting really impatient. I want so many things to happen that are happening quickly but so seemingly slow at the same time. I'm scared of my weight. Weighing less is weighing on me. Losing weight is weighing on me. I guess I'm just scared, anxious and nervous for this next year. Seems like it might be a big one.
Today I FEEL anxious/motivated.
It's ALMOST CHRISTMAS! I'm going home for the holiday on Tuesday. I'm not looking forward to the drive but am excited to see my family. I haven't been able to exercise much because my back went out over the weekend. Today I will try to walk around the block and see how far I get.
I shot a bit last night. It went in a really interesting direction. I feel like everything that I've done lately has motion included. Maybe it's because I feel like I'm in some sort of whirlwind. None of it feels real and I constantly forget that surgery actually happened. Maybe that will change over time.
Today I FEEL anxious.
Today is the second day of my new meal plan phase. I can't even begin to describe how good that tomato soup was yesterday. Probably the best thing I've had in my entire life. I guess when you haven't eaten anything remotely solid for over two weeks, anything seems good. I'm feeling a lot better than I was this time last week. Time heals as they say. And last night was nice, lot's of laughing and a good mood.
I'm GOING to shoot tonight. I'll have help which should be motivating. It's just so intimidating when I'm all by myself and not 100% normal. But today is the first day that I've felt really good and able to move around well.
Today I FEEL pretty damn good.
Today has been a week since surgery. I'm feeling better and stronger each day. Today is the first day that I've walked at a normal speed since pre-op. I'm having pretty vivid nightmares. Or at least they are nightmares to me. Last night I dreamt that I had forgotten that I had surgery and was half way through a Jack in the Box burger before remembering again. I was surprised to wake up not in pain.
I have to do some more shooting today. I feel like when I'm not shooting everyday, I'm behind. I must do some more video diaries as well. I feel like I'm also lacking in that department. Chip chop, hurry up!
Today I FEEL excited to be walking better.