Day 10 by Nate Geballe

More than a week of writing, but feeling like I'm not exactly sure what to write about anymore. C'mon, no ideas?!? I think it's because I'm sort of in the waiting pool. Nothing has really changed either way yet. I have bad days where the food is rough and then I have days where it's manageable and I have a bit of hope. 

Bah humbug! Thanksgiving is in a couple days. Damnit! I want to eat Thanksgiving! I know that I can't and it's going to suck, but I guess... whatever. I just don't want all the questions to flood in. Why aren't you eating? What's this about? No food for you?! YEAH NO FOOD FOR ME! And it's about to get harder.

Today I FEEL somewhat resentful. My food card has been revoked...damn.

Day 6 by Nate Geballe

I can't believe the week is almost over. At the same time, I can't believe the week isn't over yet. I just want it to be January already. Bypass everything that I don't want to face. I feel very avoidant at the moment. I don't feel weak so I cannot use that as an excuse for not doing my work. Well, I could but I don't think that would be very productive. 

Same story every morning. I wake up ready to eat breakfast and then come to the sad realization that I have a protein shake to force down. No food till dinner time. I thought about stopping at fast food on the way home. That's seriously not an option though. 

I plan on shooting today. Documenting a little bit of me documenting myself with still images. I should also do another diary today. It's important to stay on it. I wonder what they will say when I show up to surgery with a tripod and my camera. Can't forget the remote! It will be more helpful than ever...

Today, I FEEL impatient. 

The Night Before by Nate Geballe

Tonight is the night before I have gastric-bypass surgery.. I'm not really all that nervous. I'm much calmer than I ever anticipated. Somehow, I feel ready. It's the craziest feeling and so surreal. I never thought I would be sitting here with a cup of decaf instead of biting my nails to nubs in my closet. I'm sure my nerves will catch up with me tomorrow but for now I'm enjoying the feeling of being free. 

Food hasn't been as difficult the past two days. It's funny, nothing is like I expected it to be. I expected this clear liquid diet to be unbearable but I don't really mind it at the moment. Yeah, I do talk about food. I do think about how nice it would be to drive to Chipotle right now or have Bossa Nova deliver. But the truth of the matter is, I'm not all that hungry. I feel done.

I plan on shooting tonight. If I can fit it in a shoot tomorrow morning as well, I would love to. Maybe I'll get up when the sun rises and take some more. I think it would be a great idea to have some from the day of. I wonder how the staff at Cedars will react when my tripod gets pulled out of my duffle. I'll make a fuss if they don't let me use it. Hopefully it will not come to that. 

Today I FEEL calm.